How was your CNY? Mine was ok. The first day was busy, busy, busy, as usual.
We first visited Mum, and then borrowed her car ;). Then it was off to my in-laws', then Mr Milo's uncle, then his other uncle, then my aunt's for lunch, then to my grandma's.
But more than a record of what happened, I wanted to blog about certain observations made.
The first is of mum's husband. That he's a strange chap is undisputed. But I sometimes feel sorry for the man, and for my mum, because she has to put up with him. For example, for CNY, he gave us $4 each. In old, crummy notes. I don't mind the small amount, after all, it's his prerogative to give as much or as little as he desires. However, crummy old notes? For CNY? I mean, seriously. Not only did he not bother to go and change new notes, he had to give us crummy notes. Sigh.
I know he's trying to get a rise out of us, but I cannot be bothered. I might have been rather offended in the past, but even then, I would not have reacted because I would not have wanted to give him the pleasure. Now, I just feel sad for him. It is not a reflection on us, but on him. It was suggested that we keep the red packet as is, and give it back to him next year, but I do not see the point. 1) I do not wish to sink to his level. 2) I know my place and I will do what is expected of me. For 2 reasons. 1- It is the right thing to do, 2- I do not wish to give him reason to complain or hold anything against me.
I think I know why he does it. He's getting back at his daughter through me. He's angry with his daughter, and therefore he wants to be angry with my brother and me too. But we don't really give him reason to be angry with us, so he's trying to rile us and get a reaction, just so that he can feel justified in being angry with us. That's why I feel sorry for him. Because he is so fixated and angry with what he does not have, that he cannot he happy or content with what he does.
Second observation is about raising kids. I'm basing this specifically on my SIL's kids. We had dinner at her place yesterday. KFC and Pizza Hut, in keeping with her 'tradition'. After dinner, both kids played the piano for us. And they play beautifully. Not only are they musically inclined (they play the violin too), they are also intelligent, both being in the Gifted Programme as well. They are generally well-mannered, especially the older, the boy, and they speak well, in both English and Mandarin. In those aspects, my SIL and BIL have raised their two children well. The children are also close to their parents. And therein lies my discomfort. At Sec 2 - almost 14, the boy still sleeps in the same room (practically on the same bed - 2 queen-sized mattresses side-by-side, forming one giant bed) as his parents and sister (Primary 4 - 10 this year). I can understand the parents' wanting their kids to stay with them practically for ever, and can also understand the kids' not wanting to leave their parents. However, at 14, the boy will soon hit puberty. And won't he at some point in time feel the need for some privacy and independence? Also, the parents are not equipping their kids with any independence skills. At Primary 1, the boy was unable to clean up after himself after his 'business'. His form teacher had to wipe his but for him. When he was in Pri 5/6, my SIL was still helping her son to put on his shoes. When a family friend saw and commented, her response: "It's ok. I don't mind". Last year, when the boy was in Sec 1 and had to go for camp, mother and son cried buckets prior to camp, and mother wanted to go to camp on the second day just see her son over the wall/through the fence. Till today, neither child actually takes his/her own food from the common dishes. Mum will spoon the food from the common plates to their individual plates, and ask them to the table to eat. Kids do not help themselves, ever. Even for seconds, parents would ask if they would like more of this or that, and serve them.
For most of the above, I know that I'll insist that my kids (when I have them) be able to do for themselves. What I have not figured out yet is when to 'banish' them to their own rooms. What about separation anxiety (for both parent and child)? What about the crying and so on? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
We first visited Mum, and then borrowed her car ;). Then it was off to my in-laws', then Mr Milo's uncle, then his other uncle, then my aunt's for lunch, then to my grandma's.
But more than a record of what happened, I wanted to blog about certain observations made.
The first is of mum's husband. That he's a strange chap is undisputed. But I sometimes feel sorry for the man, and for my mum, because she has to put up with him. For example, for CNY, he gave us $4 each. In old, crummy notes. I don't mind the small amount, after all, it's his prerogative to give as much or as little as he desires. However, crummy old notes? For CNY? I mean, seriously. Not only did he not bother to go and change new notes, he had to give us crummy notes. Sigh.
I know he's trying to get a rise out of us, but I cannot be bothered. I might have been rather offended in the past, but even then, I would not have reacted because I would not have wanted to give him the pleasure. Now, I just feel sad for him. It is not a reflection on us, but on him. It was suggested that we keep the red packet as is, and give it back to him next year, but I do not see the point. 1) I do not wish to sink to his level. 2) I know my place and I will do what is expected of me. For 2 reasons. 1- It is the right thing to do, 2- I do not wish to give him reason to complain or hold anything against me.
I think I know why he does it. He's getting back at his daughter through me. He's angry with his daughter, and therefore he wants to be angry with my brother and me too. But we don't really give him reason to be angry with us, so he's trying to rile us and get a reaction, just so that he can feel justified in being angry with us. That's why I feel sorry for him. Because he is so fixated and angry with what he does not have, that he cannot he happy or content with what he does.
Second observation is about raising kids. I'm basing this specifically on my SIL's kids. We had dinner at her place yesterday. KFC and Pizza Hut, in keeping with her 'tradition'. After dinner, both kids played the piano for us. And they play beautifully. Not only are they musically inclined (they play the violin too), they are also intelligent, both being in the Gifted Programme as well. They are generally well-mannered, especially the older, the boy, and they speak well, in both English and Mandarin. In those aspects, my SIL and BIL have raised their two children well. The children are also close to their parents. And therein lies my discomfort. At Sec 2 - almost 14, the boy still sleeps in the same room (practically on the same bed - 2 queen-sized mattresses side-by-side, forming one giant bed) as his parents and sister (Primary 4 - 10 this year). I can understand the parents' wanting their kids to stay with them practically for ever, and can also understand the kids' not wanting to leave their parents. However, at 14, the boy will soon hit puberty. And won't he at some point in time feel the need for some privacy and independence? Also, the parents are not equipping their kids with any independence skills. At Primary 1, the boy was unable to clean up after himself after his 'business'. His form teacher had to wipe his but for him. When he was in Pri 5/6, my SIL was still helping her son to put on his shoes. When a family friend saw and commented, her response: "It's ok. I don't mind". Last year, when the boy was in Sec 1 and had to go for camp, mother and son cried buckets prior to camp, and mother wanted to go to camp on the second day just see her son over the wall/through the fence. Till today, neither child actually takes his/her own food from the common dishes. Mum will spoon the food from the common plates to their individual plates, and ask them to the table to eat. Kids do not help themselves, ever. Even for seconds, parents would ask if they would like more of this or that, and serve them.
For most of the above, I know that I'll insist that my kids (when I have them) be able to do for themselves. What I have not figured out yet is when to 'banish' them to their own rooms. What about separation anxiety (for both parent and child)? What about the crying and so on? I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
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