Because I'd been searching up on aphantasia yesterday, YouTube suggested a video on it today. Two points made in this video rang very true for me.
1) When asked to imagine an apple, and asked what colour it is, like the guy in the video, I would not be able give an answer quickly, because there is no visual imagery for me, just blackness. So if asked, for example, to imagine a horse, I would think of a concept of a horse. If asked what colour the horse was, what would happen in my head would be to run through my memory of horses - chestnut, white, black, piebald, dapple grey etc, and pick one. So my answer of piebald in this case is based on a conscious decision. Of course, faced with so many choices, I'd usually take a while to answer. Now I understand why others are so quick to answer questions like that while it takes me longer. I had always assumed that others were more decisive than I was.
2) I had a lightbulb moment when the video touched on the point where people with aphantasia get over things more quickly because they do not dwell on visual memories, and tend to get over things more quickly, because there aren't random images of people and places flitting through their minds. I had been wondering why I don't seem to be more affected by Mum's passing more than I am, especially when I see witness how other grieve for their lost loved ones. I wondered if that had meant that I didn't really love her as much as I thought I did, or maybe I was just an unfeeling b*. I didn't really think so, because I know I loved her and I remember dropping things to accompany her and going out of my way to do things for her. But I did wonder why I don't seem to miss her very much. On the occasion that I do randomly think of her, it's more about doing something we used to, wishing I could call her, or missing the feeling of being with her, but the emotions don't seem to be particularly strong. Or maybe I am unfeeling and am just looking for an excuse. 🤷🏻♀️
I do think it does somewhat explain how I am able to do so many prolonged solo-parenting stints half a world away from my family and support system. I have never thought that it was that big a deal because there are many single parents out there, and I'm not having to work full-time while parenting, so I've already got a leg up there. However, apparently, due to my aphantasia, I am able to be more present and focus more on whatever needs to be done, and not dwelling on what or who I'm missing. (Sorry everyone, esp Mr Milo)
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